Could you excuse us for a minute, please?
That's no problem. We'll be in here.
I think these ladies are stoked for us.
- I got that feeling myself. - Shall we go for it?
- What about Lisa? - She said party.
Let's get it on with these two, score points and go back to Lisa.
- Or score points with these two later. - Sounds good.
But I don't want to hurt Lisa's feelings.
Any girI is looking for a bone job from me.
- Ready to party down? - Ten-four.
Those guys are weird but kind of cute.
And where did you two disappear to?
- We were in the kitchen. - Bathroom.
- Peeing. - Doing our hair.
Have you met Gary and Wyatt?
- No. - Sort of.
If you get the chance, shower with them. I did.
It's a mind scrambler.
It hurts so good.
She took a shower with them.
I have a wonderfuI idea, Henry.
After dinner, why don't we stop by and visit with Wyatt?
I hate to think of his being alone at home tonight.
- Doesn't he have anything to read? - I don't know, dear.
But nothing's more important to a teenage boy than his grandparents.
- We'll drop by. - Oh, good.
"Eighties"
I'd like to open up by apologizing for the Icee today at the mall.
It was very immature and I'm sorry.
Well, it's was just tomfoolery.
But we are sorry.
- It happens. - Yeah.
So what's the deaI with Lisa? Can we borrow her?
We can't do that guys. Common decency prohibits us. It's not cooI.
She said it was cooI.
We can't take advantage of her loyalty. Sorry guys.
That's really selfish. That hurts.
Forget it guys. We can't do it.
- Come on. Quit being such pricks. - Hey, come on.
Regardless of what she told you, our feelings for Lisa run very deep.
It's emotions. Heavy emotions.
Our feelings for Deb and Hilly run as deep as yours do for Lisa.
It's respect. It's the time we spent together.
A couple of guys like you deserve them.
We like your style so we want to make a deaI.
You let us have a crack at Lisa and we'II let you have Deb and Hilly.
Can you guys keep a secret?
- Sure. - Secret?
- Look again. It's Gary. - No.
It's our boy. Gary. He's our 16-year-old boy!
I don't know what you're talking about, Lucy and I want you to shut up.
I feeI like an asshole. This had better work.
This is just a blueprint, OK. You like it?
Bigger tits.
- Go, go! - Give them the knee shooters.
What the hell's going on up here?
Excuse me, Arthur.
- It's Art. - Excuse me, "Art".
Oh, shit!
- 'Where's Eddie?' - 'He's working on a new project. '
- 'Another invention?' - 'It's something to do with a robot. '
- Turn this thing off! - You're gonna love it.
- How are you doing? - I'm shitting in my pants!
It worked.
You had to be big shots, didn't you? You had to show off.
People will like you for what you are not for what you can give them.
In your race for power and glory
you forgot one small detaiI.
- We forgot to hook up the doll. - You forgot to hook up the doll.
Something is going on here, Carmen.
I have a feeling we're not going to approve, Henry.
A missile. A missile!
- A missile in my house, Gary. - Yeah, this puppy's for reaI all right.
- It was an accident... - Accident, my ass, Gary.
My parent's are coming home, Chet's coming home.
- They're going to freak out. - They're going to shit egg rolls.
Get out. Scat.
Out. You dirty tramps.
You Hoosiers!
Guys, cut that out, would you.
You ought to know better than to hit people with your Rex Harrison hat.
This is my daughter's home. Who the hell are you?
I'm a very dear, close personaI friend of your grandson's.
- Henry. Call the police. - I will. I'll have you incarcerated.
Here's the deaI, folks.
Gary and Wyatt created me on their computer.
I'm not going to stand here and listen to this baloney.
He won't you know. He doesn't stand for baloney.
Do you mind waiting here? I won't be a moment.
- Have you ever...? - Never.
Excuse me. Wyatt, your grandparents are downstairs.
OK, thanks.
- Lisa. - Yes?
- Where are my grandparents? - Wyatt, your kitchen is blue.
- You want to try one? - Where are my grandparents?
They're all taken care of, OK.
You're gonna love this one.
- Are they all right? - They're fine.
In fact, they're better than fine. They're not ageing any more.
See? They're smiling.
Lisa, if any more of his relatives arrive we'll be in the bathroom, OK?
That's pretty sick.
Those guys really need some self-confidence. A challenge.
Something that will bring out their inner strength and courage.
I'm so bloody clever.
Now.
This Bud's for you.
- This party's lame. - What about the girls?
Girls, scmirls...
Lisa, what's going on?
Gary. Gary, listen to me.
There are motorcycles in my house.
There are killer mutants in your house!
Screw the house.
Argh!
You have uninvited guests.
You better ask them to leave. They're pretty rowdy.
This is a chance for you to prove your bravery and courage.
Those are outdated concepts, all right. Excuse us.
Don't let John Wayne hear you say that.
The man is dead, Lisa. OK.
So are you if you don't deaI with this situation.
No thanks.
Gary, do you feeI like a chicken?
Wyatt, if I could shoot an egg out my ass, I would.
What about all these people? Won't they think we're cowards?
I don't know. But we can deaI with shame. Death is a deeper issue.
We're going to get you guys some drinks.
You look like a scotch man. We're going to get some stuff...
Is this your party?
Well, yeah. Kind of.
I don't know if you would call it a party. It's just a few friends.
How come two unpopular dicks like you...
...is having a party?
I don't know. Unliked dicks sometimes do the weirdest things.
How would you like all your friends here to know
that you wear a bra on your head?
Tossed off to any good books lately?
You two can't even take a shower
with a beautifuI woman
without wearing your jeans.
You. Come here.
Now!
- Prepare to die, Wyatt. - Gary, I can't wait to die.
- We are going to kick... - ... ass.
OK. This is war.
Hand off the girls. Let's leave the girls out of this.
I said, hands off. Now.
Why don't you shut up, bitch!
As for your ugly ass, let me tell you something.
You don't come into my friend's house with your faggot friends
driving all over his floors
breaking windows, stinking up the place. And you do stink.
Here's what's going to happen.
You're going to let go of the girls and apologize to all these people.
And you're gonna get on your bikes and pedaI your asses out of here.
We're gentlemen, so we'll give you a choice.
Yeah, you can leave in peace...
Or you can stay and die.
The choice is yours.
Argh!
Get outta here.
Beg your pardon. You have a lovely home.
Terribly sorry. Call me. We'll have lunch.
Can we keep this between us?
I'd hate to lose my teaching job.
God bless you.
Is everyone all right? Everyone's OK.
This is exciting. We're heroes.
These guys came in and we showed them down.
You and me, we saved all these people. We're heroes.
This could mean a guest shot on PhiI Donahue.
Gary. Where the hell did you get that thing?
It's a squirt gun.
That's my boys!
Quite a weird night.
You really weren't afraid of those guys?
I was scared. But what could I do?
It's probably a good idea not to ask too many questions about tonight.
Probably.
This is a night of weird shit.
I was wondering if I could ask you something kind of strange.
Would you kiss me?
What about Ian?
We all make mistakes.
- OK. - OK.
Where do you want it?
- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.
How do you feeI about Lisa?
I love her.
That's what I figured.
But...
It's definitely a different kind of love.
It's more sisterly. Big sisterly.
But she's so beautifuI.
Yeah, she's really beautifuI.
And her body is gorgeous.
It's a nice figure.
So...
Then I... I mean, what would I be compared to her?
Deb. Lisa is everything I ever wanted in a girI.
Before I knew what I wanted.
I know that if I could do it again,
I'd make her just like you.
Honest.
Dead honest. You know. I'm really honest when I say that.
I'm so very honest. I mean that.
What the hell?
That little bastard.
Don't let him have messed up my room.
If my room's OK, I won't kill him.
I'll just hurt him reaI bad.
Freeze.
- Chet. - Where's my brother?
I don't know.
You're dead meat, pilgrim.
Chet. Chet. That's her nose. Look, she has nothing to do with it.
OK. You die, she walks out of here with a severe limp.
I'll be back.
It's Wyatt's older brother, Chet. He's kind of an asshole.
Oh, hi, Chet.
What the hell is going on around here?
- Chet. I'm sorry. It was an accident. - An accident?
Do you realize it's snowing in my room, goddamit!
Some really weird shit happened, Chet.
You don't have to be a genius to figure that out, monkey dick.
Start talking, little man.
Gary and I were messing around with the computer Friday night.
We made a woman and she messed up the house.
- Don't smart mouth me, you little shit. - Leave him alone.
Stay out of this, bimbo. It's a family matter.
Let me find Lisa. She can explain everything. She'll clear everything up.
You can have my college money. And my sociaI security.
So, you guys think you can pull one over on me, huh? Huh?
You got everybody singing to the same bullshit story.
This isn't bullshit, it's a Pershing missile, Chip.
It's Chet. My name is Chet.
And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey!
Hi, Nanny. Hi, Grampy.
I'm not a moron, you know. I...
Was that my grandparents?
- Are they dead? - No. They're just resting.
- What are they doing in here? - I put them in there.
I didn't want the boys to get into trouble.
Quite frankly, they weren't having a very good time at the party.
Not having a good time!
You think they enjoy being catatonic in a closet?
Do you have any idea how disrespectfuI that is?
Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass now.
That's enough. You guys, get the girls home.
Wyatt, take the Porsche. Gary, you take the Ferrari.
Ferrari?
I want to be alone with Chet here.
- Good to see you again, Chet. - Get outta here.
Take your little hussies home. Their parents are probably worried sick.
Lady, I want to get to the bottom of this, ASAFP.
So do I.
First, I'd like to butter your muffin.
- Why are you such a wanker? - Because I get off on it.
I want you to promise that you will keep your big mouth shut
about everything that has happened here.
And I want you to treat Wyatt and Gary with dignity and respect.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, "Oh, really".
I can be a reaI serious bitch if I don't get what I want.
Hit me with your best shot.
- How fast are you going? - About 35.
- This can't be right. - Are you looking at the RPM's?
No, I'm looking at about 50 tickets!
Bye.
- Oh, my! - That was great.
You son of a bitch.
Al, that was Gary.
Who is this Gary character?
I had a really great time last night.
I'll probably be grounded for a month or so but...
I'll wait for you.
Hilly.
I love you.
All right.
- I want to thank you for a great night. - Same here.
Deb, I have kind of a confession to make.
I'm really not this cooI.
That's not my car. This is not my suit.
None of those people were my friends.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I want you to like me for what I am.
Whatever you are, I like it.
I better get going. Wyatt and I still have to deaI with Chet.
Quit screwing around. This isn't funny. You stupid bitch!
CarefuI, Chet. Don't make me angry.
Sorry.
That's better.
Would you please turn me back to normaI, please?
I haven't done anything to you.
But you've done plenty to your brother.
- Like what? - Let me see...
You've nagged him, harassed him, suppressed him,
kept him in fear of you, extorted money from him...
It's done out of love.
Just for that, I ought to give you a set of elephant balls.
Give me your word
that you'II leave Wyatt and Gary alone and I'll change you back.
Oh, all right. Shake on it, huh?
No thanks, I'd rather not.
Wait. Where are you going?
- I have to go and get changed. - What about me?
You'll be fine. It's takes a little while for the effect to wear off.
- Well? - I'm in love.
- It's great, isn't it? - The best.
I think things are turning around for us.
- I mean it. - OK, what about Lisa?
We'll have to talk with her.
- Do you think she'll understand? - I think so.
I mean, I sure as hell wouldn't want to date you.
You're not my type!
Chet. Chet?
Hi, dudes.
I'm sorry, Wyatt.
I'm sorry for being such a shit to you all these years.
And I want you to know that I love you.
Cack.
- That's nasty, Wyatt. - That's Chet, Gary.
Oh my god.
- Lisa? - In here.
- Lisa? - Yeah?
- You saw Chet? - Yes, I did.
- Are you responsible? - Yes, I am.
Lisa, we can't have him like that.
It would ruin Christmas.
He's going to be fine in half an hour. He's not going to spoiI Christmas.
He's not going to bug you any more either.
- Lisa, we have to talk with you. - What's on your mind?
I really don't know how to say this to you.
You guys found girlfriends, right?
You fell in love with the two girls and they fell in love with you.
- That's all I ever wanted for you. - You're not hurt?
Yeah, sure I'm hurt.
But I wouldn't change it.
I'm just getting off seeing you two guys straightened out.
I have to go.
I've had a wonderfuI time.
Lisa.
Bye.
Boys. We're home.
Hi, Mr. Donnelly. How are you?
- Dad, hi. - No, no.
So, what did you guys do this weekend?
- Not much. - Just hung around the house.
Dad had this crazy notion you might throw a party
or do something nutty.
- Not us. - Not here. No way.
"Theme From Rocky")
OK. Drop and give me 20.
"Weird Science"